The story sets up an interesting scenario to be sure, and while I'm not a fan of pictures in stories, they supported the story rather than take away from it. You did a good job setting the atmosphere as well. Maybe that's from making comics. It sounded beautiful as you set up every part of the environment, from the mountains to the weeds. I'd say you could improve in providing background for new readers. While we, your fans, know the background, it might not hurt to provide a prologue of sorts for new readers. I'm very curious to see where this goes, and I'm going to have to implore you to put this story on FiMFiction. It's a quality story, and I would love to see it on there.